A Step Back, to Move Forward!

Stepping back into my role as a coach comes with such excitement and joy for me. I feel incredibly grateful to be in a position where I can give back to the community that supported me throughout my journey. When I first started in this role over five years ago, I could see so much lacking in my own life and the world around me, and I wanted to do something about it. But it soon became too overwhelming, so I decided to take a step back and focus inward. Since then, I have gone through a separation with my partner and the father of my oldest three children, a traumatic experience, intensive trauma therapy, a pregnancy without a partner, the birth and first year of life of my beautiful baby boy, and I am now raising my four children as a single mom, in a tiny apartment above my parents garage. We no longer have a big car, or a house of our own, or the postcard family, but I have found so much joy, love, and abundance in a life that outwardly seems smaller than it did when I started. But it leads me to the question, what's next for me? Where do I want to go from here? What do I do when this smaller life has given me everything I ever wanted? It's absolutely crazy to me that the answer to that has brought me back to where I started. To a place of giving back. This time, not because I feel like something is missing, but because so much is already here. I have learned so much, and have so much, and I feel called to share it. There is a quote that resonates with me at this step of my journey by T.S. Eliot: “We must not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first time.”

For the people who have been following my journey closely, it doesn’t seem to come as a surprise to them that I am stepping back into this role. They have been there to see me grow, learn, and navigate my way through all the challenges of my life. They were there for the days when I was confident and felt like I was doing everything right. On the days I had no hope and thought I was a lost cause. When the light I thought I saw at the end of the tunnel had vanished out of sight, I didn’t know which direction to go. They saw me question if I was doing anything right at all. They watched me choose, take step after step, fumble after fumble; they saw all the tears, the victories, the failures, and every messy moment in between. They watched me change and grow. I'm not going to sit here and say I have it all figured out now, that I have taken on this role because I know all the things. I don’t. I'm sitting here, saying I'm going to fail, fumble, cry, and make a mess. But what I have learned has led me to want to try again, even when it’s messy. It has taught ME to see my progress and my growth. I can look back at all those “failures” and all that messiness and see the beauty in it, the life in it, and all that I’ve learn from it. I can realize now that with each step I took, no matter the direction, I was building the tunnel. The light at the end of it was never the end, but rather a reflection of me. I was the light, and the farther away I thought it was, the darker it got, because I was dimming myself. I can look back on all the versions of myself that got me here with compassion, strength, and admiration. I know that I am here today because I dared to keep going, to keep building, even when it was dark.

So for those of you who feel stuck in that tunnel, wondering where the light is or if you’ll ever make it out. I feel you, I see you, and I hear you, because I’ve been there. My passion and pride are in doing the work together and teaching each other what we’ve learned so that we can be each other's torches through the dark moments. So when the tunnel feels dark and long, and we don’t see our own light, we can at least feel the warmth from the light around us. We can know without a shadow of a doubt that we're not alone, and that it doesn’t have to be dark just because we can't find our own light. 

I invite you, if there is a piece of your heart that feels lost in the dark or doesn’t want to do this alone anymore, reach out because you don’t have to! We can be each other’s torches. It doesn’t extinguish our light to light up someone else! We can learn the tools to step out of those patterns and into our own light and presence, together. It doesn’t happen overnight or all at once. It’s a practice. One that I commit to daily. As I become more present with myself, I discover new patterns, lessons, and insights, which lead me to new ways I can grow and expand my practice, and, in turn, myself. I would love to do it with you! 

I have built this workshop to teach the patterns that we commonly fall into, which can make us feel trapped or lost. The ones that make us feel, even when we are doing everything right, that we are one spill away from failure. That, unless we use that pressure or fear of failing to drive us, we are standing still. I teach us how to recognize these patterns in our lives and make meaningful and sustainable changes, not out of fear or pressure, but from a place of passion and joy. We came here to learn, grow, and play. Join me, and let’s play!